What is the Best Way to Deal with PAS?
The parents who were successful in getting primary custody of their children in a PAS situation were those who:
a. Completed a comprehensive parenting course, such as Breakthrough Parenting, and who stuck around until they rated excellent in the knowledge, skills and methods taught there. Thus, their parenting skills became superior.
b. Were even tempered, logical and kept their emotions under control. They never retaliated. A person who reacts in anger is proving the alienator's point that he or she is unstable.
c. Thought of giving up, but never did. No matter how awful the harassment got, they worried about leaving their children in that environment. They were driven to continue trying to get the court to understand the seriousness of the issues and to change primary custody to them.
d. Were willing and able to go to the financial expense of seeing it through.
e. Got legal representation from a skilled family lawyer who had experience with parent alienation syndrome. The parent became good at understanding how the courts work and understood the law as it applied to their case. They often ended up as pro-per (representing themselves) because of excessive expenses.
f. Had a case where a forensic evaluator made a strong statement about the alienation and recommended changing legal and primary custody to the alienated parent. Some parents had to go back to the evaluator to demonstrate that his or her earlier recommendations were not working.
g. Persevered in demonstrating that they were rational, reasonable, and had the best interest of the child at heart. They provided the court with an appropriate parenting plan that showed that the child would be well taken care of in their care.
h. Even though they and their children were being victimized, they understood the nature of the problem and focused more on what to do about it. Alienated parents who got caught up in how terrible it all is and spent time judging the situation, went under emotionally. Thus, the successful ones didn't live a victim's life. They were proactive in seeking constructive action. They avoided adding to the problem.
i. One father expressed it like this: "I don't know how to make it better with the mother, but I do know how to make it worse." He was one of the more successful parents I met in fighting the PAS problem because he stayed in the role of the peacekeeper.
j. Kept a diary or journal of key events, describing what happened and when. They documented the alienation with evidence that was admissible in court.
k. Always called or showed up to pick up their children, even if they knew that the children wouldn't be there. This was often very painful, but then they could document that they had tried, when the alienator alleged that this parent had no interest in the child.
l. Focused on enjoying their children's company and never talked to their children about their case. They always took the high road and never talked badly about the other parent to their children. They absolutely never showed a child any court orders or other sensitive documents. They didn't let the children overhear inappropriate conversations on the telephone.
m. Didn't violate court orders. They paid their child support on time and proved that they could live within the letter of the law.
n. Were truly decent, principled people. It was obvious that they loved their children. PAS cases are the most difficult to figure out, even for professionals in the field of divorce. Once the syndrome is discovered, it is even harder to figure out what to do about it. It is important to be connected and supported by compassionate people while going through such a difficult time.
Parents Who Have Successfully Fought Parent Alienation Syndrome by A. Jayne Major, Ph.D.
The parents who were successful in getting primary custody of their children in a PAS situation were those who:
a. Completed a comprehensive parenting course, such as Breakthrough Parenting, and who stuck around until they rated excellent in the knowledge, skills and methods taught there. Thus, their parenting skills became superior.
b. Were even tempered, logical and kept their emotions under control. They never retaliated. A person who reacts in anger is proving the alienator's point that he or she is unstable.
c. Thought of giving up, but never did. No matter how awful the harassment got, they worried about leaving their children in that environment. They were driven to continue trying to get the court to understand the seriousness of the issues and to change primary custody to them.
d. Were willing and able to go to the financial expense of seeing it through.
e. Got legal representation from a skilled family lawyer who had experience with parent alienation syndrome. The parent became good at understanding how the courts work and understood the law as it applied to their case. They often ended up as pro-per (representing themselves) because of excessive expenses.
f. Had a case where a forensic evaluator made a strong statement about the alienation and recommended changing legal and primary custody to the alienated parent. Some parents had to go back to the evaluator to demonstrate that his or her earlier recommendations were not working.
g. Persevered in demonstrating that they were rational, reasonable, and had the best interest of the child at heart. They provided the court with an appropriate parenting plan that showed that the child would be well taken care of in their care.
h. Even though they and their children were being victimized, they understood the nature of the problem and focused more on what to do about it. Alienated parents who got caught up in how terrible it all is and spent time judging the situation, went under emotionally. Thus, the successful ones didn't live a victim's life. They were proactive in seeking constructive action. They avoided adding to the problem.
i. One father expressed it like this: "I don't know how to make it better with the mother, but I do know how to make it worse." He was one of the more successful parents I met in fighting the PAS problem because he stayed in the role of the peacekeeper.
j. Kept a diary or journal of key events, describing what happened and when. They documented the alienation with evidence that was admissible in court.
k. Always called or showed up to pick up their children, even if they knew that the children wouldn't be there. This was often very painful, but then they could document that they had tried, when the alienator alleged that this parent had no interest in the child.
l. Focused on enjoying their children's company and never talked to their children about their case. They always took the high road and never talked badly about the other parent to their children. They absolutely never showed a child any court orders or other sensitive documents. They didn't let the children overhear inappropriate conversations on the telephone.
m. Didn't violate court orders. They paid their child support on time and proved that they could live within the letter of the law.
n. Were truly decent, principled people. It was obvious that they loved their children. PAS cases are the most difficult to figure out, even for professionals in the field of divorce. Once the syndrome is discovered, it is even harder to figure out what to do about it. It is important to be connected and supported by compassionate people while going through such a difficult time.
Parents Who Have Successfully Fought Parent Alienation Syndrome by A. Jayne Major, Ph.D.
