Mild to Severe Personality or Psychiatric Disorders
In a very small number of cases where HAP has been identified, one or a number of recognized personality/psychiatric disorders may be the underlying cause or partially the cause. Although most behaviours are related to the environment that persons are exposed to during their developmental years, some may be attributed to genetic disposition in which case, hostile-aggressive tendencies often appear to be found in previous generations of a family tree. For example, a number of parents who suffer from anxiety or depression come from homes where one or both of the parents may have suffered from anxiety or depression as well. Those who exhibit severe hostile-aggressive-behaviour and who seem unable to change their behaviours often suffer some form of mental or personality disorder which is affecting their ability to deal with day to day matters on a rational level. Hostile-Aggressive Parenting (HAP) can be one of the first signs of a person with a personality/psychiatric disorder.
A personality disorder is a pattern of deviant or abnormal behaviour that a person doesn't change even though it causes emotional upsets and trouble with other people at work and in personal relationships. It is not limited to episodes of mental illness, and it is not caused by drug or alcohol use, head injury, or illness. There are about a dozen different behaviour patterns classified as personality disorders by DSM-IV. All the personality disorders show up as deviations from normal in one or more of the following:
a) cognition -- i.e., perception, thinking, and interpretation of oneself, other people, and events;
b) affectivity -- i.e., emotional responses (range, intensity, appropriateness);
c) interpersonal functions;
d) impulsivity.
(1) Borderline Personality Disorder
Many of the actions of HAP parent may be identified as patterns of behaviour associated with forms of mental illness referred to as “Borderline Personality Disorder” (BPD). Although the issue of personality disorders is touched on, it is not within the scope of this document to discuss details of the issues related to mental disorders. Persons who may be dealing with HAP parents should conduct research into BPD or consult with a mental health professional to see if this mental health problem may be a factor in their case. A history of mental problems with other family members or a history of dysfunction in a person’s family may be signs of a mental condition with the person exhibiting signs of HAP.
(2) Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy (MSBP)
HAP behaviours, especially those where illness of the child is being used to interfere with a child’s relationship with another parent, may indicated a risk for a parent who suffers from a form of mental illness called Munchausen syndrome by proxy (MSBP). The term "Munchausen syndrome by proxy" (MSBP) was coined around twenty years ago, and hundreds of reports have appeared since then. In most cases, a mother either claims that her child is sick, or she goes even further to actually make the child sick. This excuse is then used to deny the other parent access to the child.
The MSBP parent will say that only he/she can take care of the child or in many cases make the child sick so that when the child is with the other parent, the child is ill or always complaining that they don’t feel well. In very serious case where severe Parental Alienation becomes and issue, the MSBP parent may actually get the child to become a willing participant in the MSBP’s deception. The MSBP parent may repeatedly take the child for medical treatment and get drugs prescribed for the child. Often they will schedule visits with the doctor for the child during times when the child is supposed to be with the other parent, all the while denying any knowledge of the origin of the problem--namely, themselves. As a result, MSBP parents may have their child undergo extraordinary numbers of lab tests, medication trials, and even surgical procedures that aren't really needed. They may repeatedly take the child to counsellors or “therapists” and continue to shop around for those professionals who they can convince that something is wrong with the child. ADHD is often used as an excuse by HAP parents to place blame on the child for the child’s behavioural problems and detract attention away from the HAP parent. In the vast majority of reported cases of MSBP, the perpetrator is the mother and the victim an infant or toddler. The web of deceit that a MSBP caregiver spins can be supported by medical signs and symptoms that mislead even very skilful physicians. Their acting skills of an HAP parent suffering mental problems can match those of a veteran performer. For instance, a parent suffering from MSBP might suffocate the child during the night to the point of unconsciousness, then frantically take the limp child to the hospital with tears rolling down her cheeks. The MSBY parent may secretly place a drop of blood in the child's urine specimen, then appear shocked at lab results that alarm the unsuspecting physicians and nurses. Behind closed doors, the MSBP parent may rub the child's skin with corrosive household cleaners such as oven cleaner in order to cause a baffling blistering rash that may last for months. Since it may take many years of illness for doctors finally to arrive at the truth, it should not be surprising that this form of child abuse has a significant mortality rate.
Some HAP parents may carry their hate of the other parent on for years and years, never seeming to be able to forgive or to find peace with the other parent, no matter what the other parent may try to do to attempt to improve the situation. Some of the problems that the hostile-aggressive parent may have may relate to their own childhood experience and have absolutely nothing to do with the other parent. Still other parents may have delusions about the other parent and may really believe in their own mind, certain things about the other parent. For example, they may really believe that the other parent is sexually or physically abusing the child. In most cases there may be little or no evidence to support such conclusions. Sadly, workers with child protection agencies are often misled by the hostile-aggressive parent into believing the parent’s fantasy. This can and often does, results in a child being placed under even greater control of a hostile-aggressive parent.
(3) Antisocial personality disorder (APD)
Persons who appear to be acting in a hostile and aggressive manner with parenting may also suffer from what is called Antisocial personality disorder or (APD). Antisocial personality disorder is a personality disorder listed in the DSM-IV as is applicable to persons 18 years of age or older. It is generally considered to be the same as, or similar to, the disorder that was previously known as psychopathic or sociopathic personality disorder.
Those who have APD often act in cold and insensitive ways. At times, they can seem charming but other times they can be very cunning and insincere. Often those with APD tend to view relationships only in terms of what they can gain from them. APD parents generally demonstrate a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others.
People with APD may think that it is acceptable to manipulate or deceive others to get what they want. As a result, persons with APD tend to have a general lack of regard for rules, laws, and customs. They assume that these rules and laws do not apply to them or always have some excuse as to why their own circumstances are an exception to the rules. This causes frequent problems at work, with family relationships and with the law.
General symptoms of Anti-Social Personality Disorder (APD) include:
• disregard for safety and responsibility
• refusal to conform to lawful behaviours
• deceitfulness, repeated lying, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure
• impulsiveness
• irritability
• irritability and aggressiveness, which may include physical assaults on others
• reckless disregard for safety of self or others aggressiveness, and/or violent behavior
• lack of conscience or remorse for consequences of behavior
• lack of empathy
• lack of honesty
• there may be evidence of behavioural problems since the person was 15 years of age.
Narcissism
Some hostile and aggressive parents may be classified as suffering from narcissism. Narcissism has been a diagnosis in the DSM – IV.
Healthy Narcissism is OK. An example of healthy narcissism is when a person has good self esteem. Healthy narcissism gives us the initiative and drive to forge ahead, to believe in ourselves and to learn from our mistakes and to move on. It gives us the ability to help each other, and to love someone - as the narcissistic person already knows how to love themselves.
Narcissism is a broad spectrum of behaviors. On a scale of 1 - 10, Healthy Narcissism is a one, and Pathological Narcissism, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, (NPD) is a 10.
Pathological Narcissism is the opposite of healthy narcissism. A person who suffers from pathological narcissism often appears to love themselves too much - to the exclusion of anyone else. They think that they are so much better than everyone else, especially their former partner and that everyone around them must listen to them and recognize them as being the best parent and the only
parent that the children need to have. Rules and court Orders don't apply to them and are mean to be interpreted as they feel they should. They exploit other people and show little, if any, empathy or compassion for anyone else, including their children.
Many parents who suffer narcissism are verbally abusive and controlling. Many of their behaviours relating to their parenting falls under the category of Hostile-Aggressive Parenting (HAP). The narcissist will emotionally abuse those around him/her and during separation and divorce a lot of this emotional abuse is directed at the narcissist’s former partner, extended family and the children.
The narcissist will control the other parent through the children exhibiting many of the actions/behaviours outlined as being Hostile-Aggressive Parenting.
A personality disorder is a pattern of deviant or abnormal behaviour that a person doesn't change even though it causes emotional upsets and trouble with other people at work and in personal relationships. It is not limited to episodes of mental illness, and it is not caused by drug or alcohol use, head injury, or illness. There are about a dozen different behaviour patterns classified as personality disorders by DSM-IV. All the personality disorders show up as deviations from normal in one or more of the following:
a) cognition -- i.e., perception, thinking, and interpretation of oneself, other people, and events;
b) affectivity -- i.e., emotional responses (range, intensity, appropriateness);
c) interpersonal functions;
d) impulsivity.
(1) Borderline Personality Disorder
Many of the actions of HAP parent may be identified as patterns of behaviour associated with forms of mental illness referred to as “Borderline Personality Disorder” (BPD). Although the issue of personality disorders is touched on, it is not within the scope of this document to discuss details of the issues related to mental disorders. Persons who may be dealing with HAP parents should conduct research into BPD or consult with a mental health professional to see if this mental health problem may be a factor in their case. A history of mental problems with other family members or a history of dysfunction in a person’s family may be signs of a mental condition with the person exhibiting signs of HAP.
(2) Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy (MSBP)
HAP behaviours, especially those where illness of the child is being used to interfere with a child’s relationship with another parent, may indicated a risk for a parent who suffers from a form of mental illness called Munchausen syndrome by proxy (MSBP). The term "Munchausen syndrome by proxy" (MSBP) was coined around twenty years ago, and hundreds of reports have appeared since then. In most cases, a mother either claims that her child is sick, or she goes even further to actually make the child sick. This excuse is then used to deny the other parent access to the child.
The MSBP parent will say that only he/she can take care of the child or in many cases make the child sick so that when the child is with the other parent, the child is ill or always complaining that they don’t feel well. In very serious case where severe Parental Alienation becomes and issue, the MSBP parent may actually get the child to become a willing participant in the MSBP’s deception. The MSBP parent may repeatedly take the child for medical treatment and get drugs prescribed for the child. Often they will schedule visits with the doctor for the child during times when the child is supposed to be with the other parent, all the while denying any knowledge of the origin of the problem--namely, themselves. As a result, MSBP parents may have their child undergo extraordinary numbers of lab tests, medication trials, and even surgical procedures that aren't really needed. They may repeatedly take the child to counsellors or “therapists” and continue to shop around for those professionals who they can convince that something is wrong with the child. ADHD is often used as an excuse by HAP parents to place blame on the child for the child’s behavioural problems and detract attention away from the HAP parent. In the vast majority of reported cases of MSBP, the perpetrator is the mother and the victim an infant or toddler. The web of deceit that a MSBP caregiver spins can be supported by medical signs and symptoms that mislead even very skilful physicians. Their acting skills of an HAP parent suffering mental problems can match those of a veteran performer. For instance, a parent suffering from MSBP might suffocate the child during the night to the point of unconsciousness, then frantically take the limp child to the hospital with tears rolling down her cheeks. The MSBY parent may secretly place a drop of blood in the child's urine specimen, then appear shocked at lab results that alarm the unsuspecting physicians and nurses. Behind closed doors, the MSBP parent may rub the child's skin with corrosive household cleaners such as oven cleaner in order to cause a baffling blistering rash that may last for months. Since it may take many years of illness for doctors finally to arrive at the truth, it should not be surprising that this form of child abuse has a significant mortality rate.
Some HAP parents may carry their hate of the other parent on for years and years, never seeming to be able to forgive or to find peace with the other parent, no matter what the other parent may try to do to attempt to improve the situation. Some of the problems that the hostile-aggressive parent may have may relate to their own childhood experience and have absolutely nothing to do with the other parent. Still other parents may have delusions about the other parent and may really believe in their own mind, certain things about the other parent. For example, they may really believe that the other parent is sexually or physically abusing the child. In most cases there may be little or no evidence to support such conclusions. Sadly, workers with child protection agencies are often misled by the hostile-aggressive parent into believing the parent’s fantasy. This can and often does, results in a child being placed under even greater control of a hostile-aggressive parent.
(3) Antisocial personality disorder (APD)
Persons who appear to be acting in a hostile and aggressive manner with parenting may also suffer from what is called Antisocial personality disorder or (APD). Antisocial personality disorder is a personality disorder listed in the DSM-IV as is applicable to persons 18 years of age or older. It is generally considered to be the same as, or similar to, the disorder that was previously known as psychopathic or sociopathic personality disorder.
Those who have APD often act in cold and insensitive ways. At times, they can seem charming but other times they can be very cunning and insincere. Often those with APD tend to view relationships only in terms of what they can gain from them. APD parents generally demonstrate a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others.
People with APD may think that it is acceptable to manipulate or deceive others to get what they want. As a result, persons with APD tend to have a general lack of regard for rules, laws, and customs. They assume that these rules and laws do not apply to them or always have some excuse as to why their own circumstances are an exception to the rules. This causes frequent problems at work, with family relationships and with the law.
General symptoms of Anti-Social Personality Disorder (APD) include:
• disregard for safety and responsibility
• refusal to conform to lawful behaviours
• deceitfulness, repeated lying, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure
• impulsiveness
• irritability
• irritability and aggressiveness, which may include physical assaults on others
• reckless disregard for safety of self or others aggressiveness, and/or violent behavior
• lack of conscience or remorse for consequences of behavior
• lack of empathy
• lack of honesty
• there may be evidence of behavioural problems since the person was 15 years of age.
Narcissism
Some hostile and aggressive parents may be classified as suffering from narcissism. Narcissism has been a diagnosis in the DSM – IV.
Healthy Narcissism is OK. An example of healthy narcissism is when a person has good self esteem. Healthy narcissism gives us the initiative and drive to forge ahead, to believe in ourselves and to learn from our mistakes and to move on. It gives us the ability to help each other, and to love someone - as the narcissistic person already knows how to love themselves.
Narcissism is a broad spectrum of behaviors. On a scale of 1 - 10, Healthy Narcissism is a one, and Pathological Narcissism, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, (NPD) is a 10.
Pathological Narcissism is the opposite of healthy narcissism. A person who suffers from pathological narcissism often appears to love themselves too much - to the exclusion of anyone else. They think that they are so much better than everyone else, especially their former partner and that everyone around them must listen to them and recognize them as being the best parent and the only
parent that the children need to have. Rules and court Orders don't apply to them and are mean to be interpreted as they feel they should. They exploit other people and show little, if any, empathy or compassion for anyone else, including their children.
Many parents who suffer narcissism are verbally abusive and controlling. Many of their behaviours relating to their parenting falls under the category of Hostile-Aggressive Parenting (HAP). The narcissist will emotionally abuse those around him/her and during separation and divorce a lot of this emotional abuse is directed at the narcissist’s former partner, extended family and the children.
The narcissist will control the other parent through the children exhibiting many of the actions/behaviours outlined as being Hostile-Aggressive Parenting.