Family Background
In many cases, links between an HAP parent’s disposition and the background of the family in which the HAP person was raised can be readily apparent. In some cases, it is found that persons who engage in HAP behaviours were raised in homes where forms of HAP were tolerated in the home when they were a child. Some HAP parents who are trying to separate the children from another spouse were raised in single parent homes where it was considered normal for only one parent to be involved in the lives of the children. A grandparent to the child may get involved to help his/her own daughter or son in their campaign of hostilities against the other parent and extended family members.
Behaviours related to bullying appear to be closely linked to those associated with HAP behaviour. A child who was raised in a home where bullying was tolerated or encouraged may develop and carry on many of these bullying behaviours into later life after they have entered into a relationship and have had children. The following list was published on the website of the UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line which specializes in dealing with workplace bullying. Many of the behaviours listed can be seen to mimic those identified with HAP. According to the information from this organization, it is estimated that one person in thirty of the population has the behaviour profile of a bully.
• Jekyll & Hyde nature - vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature - only the current target sees both sides.
• is a convincing, compulsive liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment.
• uses lots of charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or others are present; the motive of the charm is deception and its purpose is to compensate for lack of empathy.
• relies on mimicry to convince others that they are a "normal" human being but their words, writing and deeds are hollow, superficial and glib.
• displays a great deal of certitude and self-assuredness to mask their insecurity.
• excels at deception.
• exhibits unusual inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters or sexual behaviour; underneath the charming exterior there are often suspicions or intimations of sexual harassment, sex discrimination or sexual abuse (sometimes racial prejudice as well).
• exhibits much controlling behaviour and is a control freak.
• displays a compulsive need to criticise whilst simultaneously refusing to acknowledge, value and praise others.
• when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others, responds with impatience, irritability and aggression.
• often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person, in contrast to their behaviour and treatment of others; the bully is oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen (and believe they are seen), and how they are actually seen.
• has an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but cannot distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, trust and integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness, aggression, distrust and deceitfulness).
• when called to account, immediately and aggressively denies everything, then counterattacks with distorted or fabricated criticisms and allegations; if this is insufficient, quickly feigns victimhood, often by bursting into tears (the purpose is to avoid answering the question and thus evade accountability by manipulating others through the use of guilt).
• is also aggressive, devious, manipulative, spiteful, vengeful, doesn't listen, can't sustain mature adult conversation, lacks a conscience, shows no remorse, is drawn to power, emotionally cold and flat, humourless, joyless, ungrateful, dysfunctional, disruptive, divisive, rigid and inflexible, selfish, insincere, insecure, immature and deeply inadequate, especially in interpersonal skills.
Behaviours related to bullying appear to be closely linked to those associated with HAP behaviour. A child who was raised in a home where bullying was tolerated or encouraged may develop and carry on many of these bullying behaviours into later life after they have entered into a relationship and have had children. The following list was published on the website of the UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line which specializes in dealing with workplace bullying. Many of the behaviours listed can be seen to mimic those identified with HAP. According to the information from this organization, it is estimated that one person in thirty of the population has the behaviour profile of a bully.
• Jekyll & Hyde nature - vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature - only the current target sees both sides.
• is a convincing, compulsive liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment.
• uses lots of charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or others are present; the motive of the charm is deception and its purpose is to compensate for lack of empathy.
• relies on mimicry to convince others that they are a "normal" human being but their words, writing and deeds are hollow, superficial and glib.
• displays a great deal of certitude and self-assuredness to mask their insecurity.
• excels at deception.
• exhibits unusual inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters or sexual behaviour; underneath the charming exterior there are often suspicions or intimations of sexual harassment, sex discrimination or sexual abuse (sometimes racial prejudice as well).
• exhibits much controlling behaviour and is a control freak.
• displays a compulsive need to criticise whilst simultaneously refusing to acknowledge, value and praise others.
• when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others, responds with impatience, irritability and aggression.
• often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person, in contrast to their behaviour and treatment of others; the bully is oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen (and believe they are seen), and how they are actually seen.
• has an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but cannot distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, trust and integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness, aggression, distrust and deceitfulness).
• when called to account, immediately and aggressively denies everything, then counterattacks with distorted or fabricated criticisms and allegations; if this is insufficient, quickly feigns victimhood, often by bursting into tears (the purpose is to avoid answering the question and thus evade accountability by manipulating others through the use of guilt).
• is also aggressive, devious, manipulative, spiteful, vengeful, doesn't listen, can't sustain mature adult conversation, lacks a conscience, shows no remorse, is drawn to power, emotionally cold and flat, humourless, joyless, ungrateful, dysfunctional, disruptive, divisive, rigid and inflexible, selfish, insincere, insecure, immature and deeply inadequate, especially in interpersonal skills.