How can lawyers recognize the symptoms of an alienating parent? We consider that the signs to look for are as follows:
(1) where the views expressed by the child (for example, ‘I’m frightened of Daddy’, or ‘I hate Daddy’) are not in any way borne out by the child’s behaviour when observed with his father;
(2) where the mother ‘enmeshes’ others (who may become her witnesses) who then echo the child’s fear or allegations and support the mother’s view that contact can only begin very gradually. These others may express admiration that the mother is trying to promote contact;
(3) where the mother or others on her behalf hide the child from the father and pretend that it is a game ‘to hide from Daddy’;
(4) where the mother is reluctant to allow the child to be seen by independent psychologists although she may have enlisted the support of her general practitioner, health visitor, etc. as part of the enmeshment process;
(5) where the mother agrees to arrangements for contact and at the last moment ‘pulls the plug’, often citing a real or imagined incident whereby the father has upset the child in some way;
(6) where the mother is monitoring or trying to interrupt telephone contact between the child and his father;
(7) where the child checks with his mother (which may merely be by using body language) that it is all right to answer questions asked by social workers or experts in the mother’s presence;
(8) where the child does not answer questions naturally, but appears instead to give pre-programmed answers, or responds to a question by giving a wholly unrelated answer; (9) where the child uses age-inappropriate language which suggests that he has either picked up adult conversation or has been coached by the mother;
(10) where the mother insists on being present at all contact sessions, citing the child’s need to feel secure, or the mother may say that the child has told her that he is too frightened to have contact unless she stays with him;
(11) where ‘it is said that’ letters and cards from the father mysteriously fail to arrive, although the mother encourages the child to write so as to demonstrate her commitment to contact;
(12) where ‘it is said that’, immediately after contact, the mother inquires of the child how he is feeling (for example ‘have you still got that nasty tummy ache?’), implying that contact has been a painful experience for the child;
(13) where the mother alleges that the father has abused the child in some way, and she continues to insist on this even in the face of all expert evidence to the contrary. None the less, the mother may assure everyone that she does not want to promote (sic) contact but insists that it will have to be re-established on a very gradual step-by-step basis and that continued supervision of the father whilst contact takes place is essential to prevent further abuse. The child himself may echo the allegations of the mother, appearing to believe that he has been abused.
THE EMERGING PROBLEM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION - Caroline Willbourne and Lesley-Anne Cull, Barristers from FAMILY LAW, December 1997, p 807-8
(1) where the views expressed by the child (for example, ‘I’m frightened of Daddy’, or ‘I hate Daddy’) are not in any way borne out by the child’s behaviour when observed with his father;
(2) where the mother ‘enmeshes’ others (who may become her witnesses) who then echo the child’s fear or allegations and support the mother’s view that contact can only begin very gradually. These others may express admiration that the mother is trying to promote contact;
(3) where the mother or others on her behalf hide the child from the father and pretend that it is a game ‘to hide from Daddy’;
(4) where the mother is reluctant to allow the child to be seen by independent psychologists although she may have enlisted the support of her general practitioner, health visitor, etc. as part of the enmeshment process;
(5) where the mother agrees to arrangements for contact and at the last moment ‘pulls the plug’, often citing a real or imagined incident whereby the father has upset the child in some way;
(6) where the mother is monitoring or trying to interrupt telephone contact between the child and his father;
(7) where the child checks with his mother (which may merely be by using body language) that it is all right to answer questions asked by social workers or experts in the mother’s presence;
(8) where the child does not answer questions naturally, but appears instead to give pre-programmed answers, or responds to a question by giving a wholly unrelated answer; (9) where the child uses age-inappropriate language which suggests that he has either picked up adult conversation or has been coached by the mother;
(10) where the mother insists on being present at all contact sessions, citing the child’s need to feel secure, or the mother may say that the child has told her that he is too frightened to have contact unless she stays with him;
(11) where ‘it is said that’ letters and cards from the father mysteriously fail to arrive, although the mother encourages the child to write so as to demonstrate her commitment to contact;
(12) where ‘it is said that’, immediately after contact, the mother inquires of the child how he is feeling (for example ‘have you still got that nasty tummy ache?’), implying that contact has been a painful experience for the child;
(13) where the mother alleges that the father has abused the child in some way, and she continues to insist on this even in the face of all expert evidence to the contrary. None the less, the mother may assure everyone that she does not want to promote (sic) contact but insists that it will have to be re-established on a very gradual step-by-step basis and that continued supervision of the father whilst contact takes place is essential to prevent further abuse. The child himself may echo the allegations of the mother, appearing to believe that he has been abused.
THE EMERGING PROBLEM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION - Caroline Willbourne and Lesley-Anne Cull, Barristers from FAMILY LAW, December 1997, p 807-8
